Different wraps for different personalities. Every smoker has their personal preference. But, who are these people. Whats the guy buying zig zags like? What about the girl that buys swishers? What is she like? Ima break it down for you and tell you who smokes these and how it reflects your personality. By the way, if you are smoking any of these as actual cigars you really need to look in the mirror and ask yourself “what the fuck am I doing?” as you smoke that black and mild til the plastic melts. Go take care of yourself, bum. Lets get started
Swisher Sweets
Ah yes, historically the swisher sweet is a classic. A lot of people swear by them, this is the OG wrap. Hand over the 7/11 clerk a dollar and you good, and if they charge tax on these then fuck ‘em, they have no respect. Everyone has smoked one of these and they are by far the most basic cigarillo. If you buy these you’re either an Old head smoker or a college aged idiot that chugs flavored New Amsterdam and only smoke at weekend parties where they end up getting the spins. Big for amateur smokers that smoke, get hungry and sleepy, and stare at their phone. BORING. OG’s and newcomers smoke the sweets, but if you’re a real one you go with the diamond or silver. Avoid these crazy ass flavors, strawberry is probably the only real good one. Avoid blueberry, tropical, and grape at all costs. Man, those grape bitches STANK. I could spark one in Michigan and you’d be able to smell it in Montana. Nasty. If you smoke these you’re either 30+ or new to smoking.
Garcia Vega (Game and Leaf)
To be honest, there is nothing really bad about vegas but nothing really good either. A lot of people who smoke these claim they are the best but they are lying and want to seem different. Same shit as a swisher, like coke and pepsi, except way more similar. This is a great value brand swisher, and the leafs are great value brand woods. If you smoke these you’re probably a high schooler and all your Polo and Nike comes exclusively from Marshalls. That or you’re a “creative” but really you’re an amateur soundcloud producer. 2nd rate outlet swishers.
White Owls
Man, these fucking suck. Leave these shits in high school. Like burning plastic, and the flavors taste so grody like rotten candy. You ever have expired candy? Me neither but I think the mango white owl comes very close. Flimsy ass blunts too, might as well smoke a paper. (I am a huge fan of papers, I’ll get to that at the end). If you smoke these your probably only do it for fruity flavors because you don’t know any better. The people that smoke these are high school boys and girls that cant roll and rely on smokedowns to smoke. Only redeeming quality is that their wrapper is cool, an owl perched up on a lit pearl ass blunt. How can you not like that? Don’t smoke these bitches if you are old enough to purchase them.
Zig-Zag wraps
I got a lot to say about these ones. Oh boy. Usually these come in 3 packs so these are a broke boy special for 99¢. Roughest fucking blunt Ive ever smoked, only ever had one and that was one too many. Closest thing I can describe it to is smoking a Smokers Choice cigarette. For those that don’t know, its a $2 pack of cigs that I’ve only seen homeless people buy. “Flair how would you know what it tastes like” well dipshit I’ll tell you. Buddy got me some smoker choice for my birthday as a joke, took 2 puffs out of curiosity and threw it out. Those 2 puffs probably took more years off my life than 100 normal packs of cigarettes would, but back to the blunts. If you smoke these you’re probably some bum stoner that lives with 5 other guys in a poorly furnished house and your coffee table doesn’t have a single square inch on it that isn’t covered in wrappers, ashes, fast food bags, and tall boys. The $2 chicken bite box from checkers is a staple in your diet, multiple times a week. Your phone screen is cracked to all hell and it cuts your fingers. You probably dip your blunts in robitussin and tell your friends its actavis. All you buy are dubs. Fuck these and the bums that smoke them.
Dutch Masters
To be honest I dont know anyone personally who smokes these. I like them though, slow burning and smoooove. These are what your divorced uncle smokes in his garage. I just assume only old dudes from Philly and New York smoke these. Anyone smoking these wont smoke just any old mid and they’ve probably been smoking for a long time. Props to Dutch Masters for having the coolest packaging. You know the pilgrims were smoking that Plymouth Rock boof pack and centuries later here they are staring at you as you gut their cigars and fill them with fire.
Backwoods
That sweet, sweet leaf, Backwoods™(cut the check). I used to not like them but after rolling and smoking a few more by myself they’ve become my favorite. Not everyone can smoke these, and even fewer can roll. These are a true creatives blunts. Look at the colors on the packaging, that clean red logo, the honeycomb pattern for the honey flavors, its beautiful. Every wood is unique like a wrinkled brown snowflake. They’re the most versatile wrap, you can put 5 grams in this bitch or you can cut it and fit .2 if you really wanted. Its worth mentioning if you put .2 in a wood you shouldn’t be smoking one and you shouldn’t even be reading this in the first place. Who smokes these you ask? Creatives, visionaries, hustlers, and all the rappers that matter. Future sure as hell wouldn’t be caught smoking a white owl so why should you? You’ve been smoking for a minute and truly appreciate it. You spend $5.50 for 5 cigars and only 2 will actually roll. Not every pack of woods is perfect, but you know what, neither are we. You are someone who appreciates real flavor, not that fruity overpowering shit, and can handle yourselves off the pack. You don’t do dime bags and you don’t do dubs. Woods are for the pros.
Papers (Bonus)
“Flair, what if I don’t like blunts” alright you weak lunged bitch I have an answer for you. Just go papers, you really can’t go wrong with any of them. To be honest there’s really not one type of person who smokes each one, if you’re younger you go with raws and if you’re older you smoke zig-zags. For me it goes Raw cones, Raw regular, and OCBs. Everyone smokes papers, if I had more insight I’d give it to you, or maybe I wouldn’t who the fuck knows dude I’ve been writing this for a while.
Different strokes, different folks
Well I guess that wraps it up, all pun intended. Everyone is an individual with individual tastes, but some are far better than others. Next time you see someone smoking a swisher or vega I hope you have a better understanding of them. Smoke whatever you want, as long as you’re enjoying it :) (except Black n Milds, Thanks Ugly God)
